the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
