Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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