my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
