Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
PANTIES FOUND
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