I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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