..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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