There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
