I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize