I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
