you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
