oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at about main and main street
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
