NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
