dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
