we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
