Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can't special order awesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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