At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
