I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
