i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
