If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
