I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
