Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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