I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
