let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
