we have officially lost it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
