I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I understand Curling. That high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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