Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
