hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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