True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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