We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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