can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...so i touched it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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where does the pee come out of this thing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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