I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
