I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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