Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just pee around me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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