It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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