...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
