I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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