Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
