No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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