Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
