I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
