wakey wakey hands off snakey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
