i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
