shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
