she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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