I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
