As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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