Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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