I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
