just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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