when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
