Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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