all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have aggressive nipples.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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