Duck Duck Cougar?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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