It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
