Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
