woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.