i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now