eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES