I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory