Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We left an ass print on the piano.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts