OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
