Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
