i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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