There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
