Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
