I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
