This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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