I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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