dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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