My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
