My pussy is not your playground.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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