I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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