how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
